Find Your Purple Hair -The Blog

A Journal Entry

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I know some of you reading this have super big goals, dreams, and visions that involve you putting yourself out there for the world to see. I also know that the thought of “all eyes on me” makes your stomach flutter, your heart beat faster, and your brain go into fight or flight mode.  I know this because I too have super big goals, dreams, and visions, and I know they are coming to fruition because not only do these thoughts never leave my heart and mind, but because complete strangers have prophesied over me, telling me that God has something big planned and that He is using my voice in big ways.

That’s a whole lot of realness right there!!!  My dreams are not meant to stay stuck in my head, but are meant to be lived out…and so are yours, sweet friend.

And before you go thinking that I have all the clarity, the path laid out, and know exactly what’s headed my way – in other words, before you go thinking that I have it all together – may I share one of my super honest, God I have so many questions, Moses type journal entries with you?

Wait! On top of everything else I journal too?!?! Yes, and before you use this as another way to provide yourself an excuse as to why you can’t do something and someone else can, you need to know that journaling is new for me and I am still working on putting something on paper on a daily basis. You can do it too, pull out some paper and write down a few thoughts. There! You just wrote your first journal entry!

Realness is important to me, and I know it is for you as well. So, here’s a snapshot of what tumbles around my mind.

February 27, 2021 (told you this is new to me)

Dear Jesus,

It’s time to release what  I’ve been holding on to that’s been holding me back!

I clearly see and feel that you have called me to use my voice, so why am I allowing distractions to keep me from moving forward? What am I afraid of? Why do I question whether or not people will listen when so many are drawn to me and tell me I should be om stage, write a blog, have a podcast? What is this fear and hesitation?

As I breathe in Awaken and run it through my hair, I feel a tingling on my head. What are you showing me?

You are showing me what holds me back:

*fear I won’t know what to do at each step/stage

*fear of being laughed at, ridiculed, or judged

*will I guide my followers in the right direction?

*Will I lose sight of you? Get wrapped up in the tasks?

*how do I balance this ministry and business?

*do I bring a team along with me? Go solo? Who do I bring along? When?

*How do I keep it going? Keep people engaged?

*I believe YL still fits in? How do I split my days? Focused on each? Go where I feel inspired each day?

*what is the path I am taking people on? How to I stay connected?

Time to release and listen…

I don’t know what to do???? Really?! You are guiding me, it will be revealed as we go; it can be figured out; I know how to figure stuff out!

Fear of being laughed at or ridiculed?? Some will do that, most won’t – my message is for those that need and choose to hear it and experience it. I produce for an audience of One.

Will I guide my followers in the right direction? God is giving me the message, I’m just the messenger

Will I lose sight of you? I will keep my morning quiet times as sacred. There may be times I begin to get a little off course, but I know Who my compass is!

Keeping the balance between business and ministry? Ministry is my business! Everything I do is motivated by serving others.

Do I bring a team along?

I have a team: the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit. I am the voice and the vessel. God is directing my steps, and therefore is with me. The physical team will come as events get booked, as I host them, and as I need “office” help and a tribe to pour into each other. Justin and I will team up on things too!

How do I keep people engaged? What’s my system? You, Lord, will tell me as we go, and when it’s time.

YL? It’s part of living a life in freedom, so yes, it fits 😉 Main focus remains pointing women to Whose they are. The rest will follow.

I’m reminded of my theme verse right now. 1 Samuel 12:16, “Rise and anoint her; she is the one.”

Thank you, Lord, for trusting me with this message, for trusting me to be your voice. I thank you for ears to hear you, for courage, for faith, for an audience, for loving me, for surrounding me with exceptional friends, for Justin who sees my greatness and encourages it, for my children who are learning to step into their greatness, and for taking action, no longer giving in to procrastination, with grace and ease.

Thank you for this new daily habit of journaling to get my thoughts out.


Pam Spinker

I help Christian homeschool moms, just like you, thrive in your home and in your walk with Christ. If you question your abilities, or feel like you’re drowning in homeschooling, you’re in the right place! 

I’m here to help!