Find Your Purple Hair -The Blog

Proactive Parenting

Family walking

A couple weeks ago, a post I made gained a lot of comments (all positive, except one) and prompted several people to message me or ask me in person to explain a little more, such as my reasoning, Scripture that backed up the content, how we make it work in our home, etc.

The post was about a rule we have had in our home since early on in Justin’s and my marriage: we are never alone with a member of the opposite sex unless it’s a family member, or of course, with each other.

I went on to explain why we have that rule, and that we also have that rule for our children. We view it as a way to help maintain purity in our children, and in ourselves as it’s another step to affair-proof our marriage. It also lessens the chance of gossip and false accusations/thoughts about any of us.

We don’t have this rule because we are non-trusting of others. We don’t have this rule because we feel we are not capable of self-control.

We have it as a layer of protection and a way to honor ourselves and others.

When it comes to having the same expectations of our children, we do so as one way to be proactive parents.

There is a battle raging for the hearts and minds of our children. It’s all around us 24/7. It may even be one of the reasons you choose to homeschool.

We don’t have to take a defeatist attitude and think, “they’re going to do what they want anyway”. While, yes, ultimately our kids will have to make their own decisions, and take responsibility for those decisions (positive or negative), we can be proactive and have influence in our children’s lives.

Especially while they are living under our roof.

God designed the family to consist of a father who lovingly leads and protects his home as a Jesus follower, a mother who manages her home and comes alongside her husband to raise their children (and no I am not saying a mom has to solely be a SAHM; there is more to you than Mom; motherhood is one of the highest callings you will experience in your life), and children who can expect to be raised in a loving, caring environment where they honor and respect their parents, because their parents raise their kids through prayer and making decision that are in the best interest of the family.

While we are not to be tyrants and control every little detail of our kiddos’ lives, we ARE instructed to care for, lead, and guide our children. We are to guide them and point them to a relationship with Christ, which they will take ownership of when they are mature enough (this maturity can happen at different ages, depending on the child).

Being a proactive parent means that we create expectations, rules, and have a plan in place for our family.

It means we teach our children through open, honest discussions, and by our own example.

It means talking to our kids about the world around them so they can eventually leave the nest as those who are not naive, yet also have not been inundated with the worldliness of the world.

Some may think that you are sheltering your kids, or you’re being too protective, or you are not allowing them to be themselves.

On the contrary, it is not loving to allow our kids – or anyone we care about – to wander aimlessly through life. We all need some guidance. 

Let’s be sure we, ourselves, are seeking guidance from the One who created us.

Let’s be sure we are following His lead as we care for our children, whom He created.

Let’s be sure our kids know Whose they are and who they are, so they can make decisions that are made through prayer and in a way that honors them, others, and especially the One who created them.

If we sit back and do nothing. If we choose not to lead and guide our children. Someone out there will gladly take our place. And that someone (or someones) may lead our kids to devastation, harm, and heartbreak. And leave us devastated and heartbroken that we did nothing to at least try and prevent the harm.

You love your kids. You want the best for them. I do too.

Do not be afraid to be a proactive parent! Do not be afraid to set rules and boundaries. Do not be afraid to enforce these. Do not let others bully you into thinking you are a “suffocating” parent by having and enforcing such rules, expectations, and boundaries.

Please know that my heart is always for your success as a Mom, as a woman, and, most importantly, as a Daughter of the King of Kings. That I choose for you and your husband, if you are married, to have a healthy, thriving marriage. And that I am in your corner when it comes to your freedom to raise your children as God guides you. I am a champion for healthy, thriving, growing families. 

Always praying for you.

Always cheering you on,



Pam Spinker

I help Christian homeschool moms, just like you, thrive in your home and in your walk with Christ. If you question your abilities, or feel like you’re drowning in homeschooling, you’re in the right place! 

I’m here to help!